Taishka Part 9

The announcement was made the next morning, after the leaders of our program had made the decision final. The first team to attempt the mission had been lost. Their only hope was that the next team would happen to find them alive and well on their mission. I knew the speech about being hopeful was just to keep everybody calm. There was no mention of the increased signals the station had been picking up. I thought that was for the best.

I had been experiencing waves of anxiety since I managed to get home after breaking the news to Zingel. If I wasn't choking, I felt numb. I could tell my teammates were similarly upset. Branis seemed to be taking it the best. I had no idea if they had people on the station they would be devastated in losing. I wondered who else was in Fintan's life aside from her fiance. It felt odd that I didn't know that about the two people whose lives I would be defending. And who would be defending me.

I thought about my own family. They had raised me as a child, but as soon as you pass the chone tests, you are adopted into the program. You don't get to choose your own place to live until you are an adult. Like so many others, my family tried their best to stay out of my way. I still saw them often at first, but eventually we had stopped making the effort to interact. I didn't even try to talk to them after Brennan left. I felt that I would have to before I left for good. I expected they would message me after the announcement went public.

I wondered if Zingel would send me a message too, but decided I should be the one to message her. She probably felt alone, I imagined. Maybe even more alone than me. I didn't focus too hard on my messaging device. My fear of her response was just as potent as my yearning for it. I decided not to focus too much on that and noticed that the announcement had come to the part where the new team presented themselves.

We all stood up and walked to the stage, wearing our uniforms. We all smiled and tried to look excited. Our bosses had demanded we look happy about our mission, to ease the mind of everyone else. I knew that's what they had told Brennan and his team to do. I understood that it was necessary, but it still felt wrong.

After the introduction, we called our picks to the stage. The people we wanted to be our replacements. That feeling of betrayal when I called his name was far more powerful than I imagined. If we failed, the third team would be taking over. Unless the people in charge decided to change tactics. Considering how the original mission was a last ditch effort to begin with, I knew the plan wasn't going to change. By choosing that boy, I was sentencing him to death. Unless my team was successful in their mission. I hoped we would succeed, for the sake of the entire station, but especially for the third team.

The new team cautiously approached the table and accepted their positions. They were more afraid than I had been. It was visible in their expressions. Truth be told, my choice was no more or less qualified than I had been. He could have just as easily been chosen in my place. I didn't know how to feel about my thoughts. If I could have chosen nobody, I would have. Brennan probably experienced the same conflicts.

After we departed from the meeting, me and my two friends were no longer commanders. We had been commanders for a week. We still hadn't completely wrapped ourselves around the duties that came with it. I hoped our choices would get a much longer time to enjoy their positions.

I looked at my device and saw that I had no messages. I wondered if Zingel had even seen it. I sighed.

A hand appeared on my shoulder. The every strong presence of Branis was next to me. They had a very sympathetic smile.

“Let's go to the office one last time,” they suggested.

The three of us sat at the large desk together. We didn't check on the commander duties, as we no longer needed to worry about them. Being the commander felt like a dream that had now passed. Like it didn't even happen.

“I guess we won't be able to do one of those team tests,” Fintan said. “I already described some ideas and have them in the system here, but I still need to tell the new commanders about it.”

“I hope they have time to figure it out,” I said.

“Same,” the hunter agreed. “How's Zingel?”

I looked up at them. They appeared to be genuinely worried. Or at least interested. “I messaged her during the meeting, but there hasn't been a response.”

“That's a shame, but don't worry,” they said, “You will get to say goodbye. I don't think she would just avoid you.”

“I hope so.”

We continued speculating on our trip to earth and what it would be like once we hit the surface. The trip wouldn't be too dramatic. We wouldn't see anything until we were on land, which could make for a bumpy landing. Once there, though, the state of the air and vegetation were a mystery. The machines we would be given would be able to test their chemical makeup. Seek out any poisons. Let us know if we would be safe eating them or breathing.

Wild animals were a mystery as well. As was weather. The clouds covering the station's view of the surface would keep the stars out of sight. At least for the most part. There were times when clouds parted and we could see water and land from the telescopes, but nothing too exciting could be seen that way.

My fear, though still very much real, had calmed down. This was the purpose of my entire life's training. Not only that, but the human race was counting on these missions to be successful. I had reached the point where I couldn't argue with myself anymore. I had accepted my fate. I didn't understand why I had accepted it so quickly and knew I would still fall into anxiety occasionally. It was probably a result of being conditioned for this life.

The others agreed with my thoughts and I understood theirs. It was an example of the conversations we would have in our future, for sure. I felt lucky to have both of them. I had doubts in getting along with them at first. Branis being a bit too loud and Fintan seeming snooty at first. They had proven me wrong and would hopefully continue to.

When I finally got messages, they were from my parents. They wanted to wish me luck and gave me the option to see them in person. I accepted the idea and dismissed myself from the team.

My mother and father met with me in a learning center. The place was where most people went to communicate with people across the network, but now it was just for reading on the consoles and watching informative videos. We sat at a table.

They asked me about the mission's details and asked about Brennan. I explained the situation to them in more detail. I made sure not to mention any sensitive information. They consoled me and asked if I wanted anything from them before I left. Or if I wanted to hand over my possessions to them. I let them know it was unclear how Zingel was taking the news and I would have to let them know more later. If she would care for my things, I would prefer she had them. Stuff to remember me by, maybe.

My father expressed pride and my mother worried. I let them see my bravest face. I couldn't afford to let my parents know how traumatic the week had been for me. I needed everyone on the space station to be brave and trusting. Doubts would only spur riots or something worse. We parted and I went back to my pod.

I found myself laying on the bed for several hours. Remembering things I had learned about how life used to be for humans on earth. How interesting and colorful their existence was. I wished we could go back in time and fix the problem before it ever started. Unfortunately, any time travel that was being worked on had been destroyed. Unless the robots figured it out. I found that unlikely.

While trapped in my own thoughts, I almost missed the message that came through for me. It was still not Zingel, but someone from the theater wishing me luck and trying to be supportive. I lay back down on the bed and groaned. She had to talk to me before I left, right?

I eventually went out to get food and talked to the cook about my mission. Again, I put on a strong and brave face when telling him how we would defeat the evil robots. I felt more foolish each time I talked about it. Especially because I was not nearly that excited for it. He expressed that he would greatly miss me. I would have expected him to flirt while saying that, but how he said it was almost heartbroken. I hoped he would be fine when I left.

The eve of my departure came and I found that I had stopped waking up with my room's settings. I would open my eyes, but roll back to sleep. There was no need for me or my team to do anything until the day we left. We were no longer commanders and we had no part in preparations for the mission. We had been training for it all our lives. We had simply been waiting those last days.

I had spent most of my time in the learning center, refreshing my mind on everything I could. None of that information was going to exist for me once my body left the safety of the space station. We were allowed to take a few entertainment items, which I had already given to the people in charge of packing for us.

It was not unusual for me and Zingel to stay apart for several days at a time. I knew the situation was different that time. Part of me was glad she kept her distance. It was easier to pretend everything was normal without a constant reminder of the things I would miss. I didn't want her to be upset. I wanted anything aside from that. In a way I felt it was good for us to split up. My status had caused her enough grief already and we both knew she deserved more. It was hard to understand why she would try so hard to stay with me in the past.

Just as I was having those thoughts, someone was hitting my door. I stood up and opened it for them. It was Fintan.

“Hey,” she said.

“Um, hi.”

She walked past me and stood in my pod, looking at the mural. “You like trees?” she asked. “That's a bit... ironic.”

I could tell she was acting differently and didn't want to waste time trying to avoid it. “Is something wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it's just... Well. Tomorrow we'll be gone.”

“I know. It's a... daunting... reality, I guess,” I said, not sure how to comfort her as she intruded into my safe place.

“I'm sorry if I am intruding. I just needed to talk to you. Or well... I wanted to talk with the people I would be spending the rest of my life with.” Her sheepish nature returned as she explained. “Brennan is nowhere to be found. You took long enough to figure out. Went to Zingel's place so she told me where to find you...” Fintan had been looking at me, but shifted her eyes to the mural again. “You should probably talk to her,” she suggested.

“I honestly don't know how anymore,” I said.

“I know. It's been pretty difficult. The love of my life is already searching for other company,” Fintan said. “I mean, I told him to. I begged him to let me go. It wasn't fair for him to be engaged to someone who was leaving him forever. It still sucks though...”

“Sorry, Fin.”

“Don't be. I just need to get to know my teammates better and that void will eventually go away. I wanted to explain this to Branis, that we should really try to get more comfortable with each other. We should have been spending more time together this last week of our easy life.”

“Maybe they wanted to enjoy their last days of peace and solidarity,” I said. It came off as a bit snarky. “Sorry, I didn't mean it for that to sound so rude.”

“That's fine. I understand. I guess I've been trying to enjoy the quiet times too, but I couldn't stand it today.” She sat on my bed and invited me to sit with her. I obeyed. We didn't say much more, but I did end up arranging my small screen so that we could watch a show.

Another knocking came at my door in the middle of an episode. I answered it again and found Branis. They let themselves in too. I found myself wondering when intrusion became a normal thing for us.

“Ah, I'm sorry I didn't see any of your messages. I was a bit uh... preoccupied,” they said, offering no explanation.

I didn't question how they found my room and hoped they didn't also bother Zingel about me. Fintan invited them onto my bed as well. It was not made for more than one person and had already been crowded with just the two of us before. Branis was larger than both of us and opted to hold Fintan so I could fit. I wondered if it was going to be a norm with us, removing personal space. I hadn't even gotten used to being so close to Zingel.